Fear

A lot of people see me as someone who really isn't afraid of much, some one who (for the most part) is care free; and I would really like to be able to think that about myself as well. But one thing that I have come to realize about myself this last week is that I can be really afraid of things... no really... if I actually let myself think about some things I could go crazy! I won't tell you what all they are because it would either get you thinking about it and then we would both be going crazy or you would tell me to get to the nearest padded room as quick as possible :)
But I am afraid, and I am afraid of being afraid, and I am afraid of not being afraid because I am afraid that I should be afraid of these things, after all isn't that what all good Christians should be? afraid?
But God did not give us a spirit of fear and we were not created to be afraid! What good does it do us to fear? it makes us take notice of what is going on around us and it causes us to take precautions we wouldn't normally take. But it can cause us to try and take control over situations and things that we were never meant to have control of (if anything we just make the problems worse) and it makes us so afraid that we can't even live our own life because of all the what-ifs in it. We are what-ifing ourselves to death!
now as I said before: fear can be a good thing, we need to see both sides of the coin and to take care of ourselves. God does watch out for us but Christianity was never meant for people to become lazy.
Anyways. I'm rambling and using very bad sentence structures...I really need to work on that.
Look at and acknowledge what is going on in your life, whether good or bad. Ask for strength, understanding, and courage for what is bad, and praise God for what is good in your life.

"To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."
~Jude vs. 24-25

confessions

the beauty of fall has gone almost unnoticed in my life, although I saw it and wanted to watch it so much more than I could, all I could do was think about something else like where I would have to be in order to really enjoy this, or all the things that I wish were different in my life. and I let fall pass me bye while waiting for winter.
I even have had to almost slap myself when seeing how I was being so ungrateful for things while whining about what I didn't have ( I guess I have been a kid at Christmas time in more ways than I thought ), and taking note of the faults in those around me while ignoring that I am as bad as they on the inside.
I guess this is my blog to say that I'm sorry...one day I'll get this whole thing figured out:)
I am grateful for my dear friends who have stayed so faithful to me, even over such distances; and even after not seeing someone or hearing from someone for sooooo long, still being able to pick up where we left off;)
thanks to all... and if you don't hear from me until then (which you had better) Merry Christmas!!!!!

Why do I do this?

as the weeks have gone by I have kept thinking to myself that I really need to post something on my blog...no really, I need to post something. and as you can see I haven't... so now I am.
I had the best time that I have had in a while a few weeks ago when I was able to go back to IWU for a visit for a few days. I was lucky enough to see everyone I wanted, and shocked that I saw a few people I was hoping not to see. It's good to know not too much has changed there except for how younger the freshmen keep looking:)
when I found out that I would be going back to IWU one of the first things I knew that I needed to do was to meet with a few people and one of those people might be changing my very near future. I'm going on a short "missions trip" to China in March!! there are deeper details to this that I won't go into right now, but know that I am so excited!!! I still can't believe that this is happening. There are a handful of places that I have wanted to go to for years and China is one of them:)
I know that really only one person is reading this blog right now, but for all of you who will be reading this latter. please pray.